If you didn’t read the first installment of “Attack That Snatch” it is okay — the title alone should help you to follow the story line.
Years ago I used to work an early shift from 6:30am to 2:30pm. I had to be on the train to Manhattan by 5:30am and there were usually some interesting happenings early in the morning. I was always on the train alone with just me and the “happenings,” which could be scary at times, but I digress …
One time an older, butch, black woman got on the train looking wore out in a baggy, stained jogging suit. As she walked on the train she had her hands deep in her pants, prowling around for a seat. At first, I thought she was attempting to be “masculine” and “hood” with her hands in her crotch, but then I noticed there was some seismic activity going on in the wild goose region, but I tried my best not to look.
On her hunt for a seat, she would put her “free” hand on each seat as if she was trying to feel if it was warm or cold — then she would sit down for a second and jump back up like it burnt or chilled her. By this time I knew she was coo-coo for the coco puffs and I just prayed she wouldn’t sit next to me. Finally she finds an acceptable seat across from me and slumps down, looking like she was about to fall asleep — the whole time her hand never left her pants.
Right when I think she is snoozing she began attack that snatch — and I don’t mean a lite-lite tickle — she was attacking her snatch like it was a war zone! She moaned, growled, whipped her head back and forth, legs shook, big ole’ bosoms reverberated through her baggy clothes. I was appalled and nauseated. I felt like a good-Christian white woman seeing a big black dick for the first time!
What made it worse is NO ONE was on the train and she just GOT HER MOTHAF%!KIN’ LIFE right in front of me! I considered running to the next car but I didn’t want to attract any attention to myself — she might’ve attacked me if I even slightly interrupted her attack on that jungle bush! Finally after a good ten minutes of attack-a-tion she lets out a deep moan — and found her happy ending. I thought it was over but then she takes her hand out of her pants with a gooey mess dripping from her sticky fingers. She grabs the pole that people use on the train and falls the f*ck asleep.
I was finished and wished I had a bottle of ammonia to clean the entire train car. My spirit was “shooken,” I was deeply wounded and every time I retell this story I feel like I am reliving the horror. To this day when I put my hand on a pole in the subway I think of all the bacteria and how that woman was attacking that snatch — which is exactly why I scrub my hands like Joan Crawford the minute I get home!
Dear Clay,
I have no idea how I came across this story on a google search, but I have read it about 7 times over the last two days, and can’t stop thinking about it—as a direct result I am going off anti-depressants and dedicating my life to charity. You are a comic GENIUS! I have emailed this story to all my friends, family members, local politicians, and church members. This is the most amazing and important piece of literature since Gone with the Wind.
Question: Do you have a fan club, and how can I meet you?
Sincerely,AJ
Totally Hilarious!
You made my day.
Thanks!
Crazy story!
The author sounds just a “tad” RACIST though.
There are way too many examples to cite.
Okay you made this one up. Great imagination!!!!!
i SO wanna barf right now!
HAYELZ NO!
I’mmma be sick…Clay dat’s just nasty!
I can understand you telling those that live outside of NYC…but those of us that HAVE to take the subway….yea, that sucks!
lol
If I had seen that crap I wouldn’t be able to ride a subway. That was so filthy and nasty. I wash my hands constantly and use paper, tissue, etc. to touch door knobs, faucets, and now I can’t touch a pole. This was funny too, but she was a stank..
This is absolutely hilarious… as i said before, you have talent for writing humorous pieces. Thats a hard feat!
Gag gag gag gag… I feel sick.. yet I cant stop laughing.. That’s a hott ass mess.
im back on hurr again to ask you to join the latest debate on my blog, if you would like
gooey?!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! i feel the need to scrub w/scalding hot water and 7 kinds of antibacterial soap and a healing!! i’m convinced i’m going to catch ebola from these shared computers at work. CONVINCED.
I would have screamed like a white woman during a bank robbery getting out of there!
for reals…hahahaha
Great! Now I will never ride a metro again without thinking of this story!
THANKS BUDDY!
yuck. i feel dirty just having read it.
Ewwww…ewwwh…a thousand times ewwwwh. I guess you would see a lot of crazy shit around that time. Wow!
clay,
that was disgusting it brought tears to my eyes. That’s inhumane.
Ahhhh, that’s why I don’t get down with frowning clown.
WHY Do people masturbate n public?
Sometimes shame is a good thing.
That is the type of thing that people tape now on their camera phone and then put it on a website.
BLACKSNATCHATTACKERS.COM
WHOA TOO HOT I can see it now.
-Marz
btw
that picture really is too much for me!
My skin is crawling early in the morning.
How did you manage to stay there for so long? After she pulled out the drippin mess??? I really did almost throw up in my mouth a little.
See, thas why I carry around a little thing of antibacterial. Thas nasty.
Nothing! And I mean nothing would have kept me on that train car with her! I would have screamed like a white woman during a bank robbery getting out of there!
my spirit is also “shooken” just from reading this. i even tried reading it twice to desensitize myself… didn’t work. i’m forever scarred!
Actually I’m glad you told this story, because I will be visting NYC very soon, but damn the image you provided is downright wild. LOL.
I wish you were lying, I really do. That was too vivid for me. I dont think I would have been able to stay while she attack the snatch.
This is by far the most disturbing thing I have read in my young life, but it is also HILFUKKINLARIOUS! I bet she’s the same woman that left the seat full of excrement on the A train that I discovered early one morning. You have brought a smile to my day for a second time. Thanks so much for the birthday greeting, my fellow taurean.
That was funny and DISGUSTING as fuck, the picture and title alone already had me laughing.
I suddenly feel dirty.
You seriously could have kept that one to yourself!!!
^co-signing all of these comments. sooooo gross!
hmmmm…story about a “butch, black woman” huh? guess having a.keys singing in the back fits perfectly. haha!
Stick a fork in me NOW…cuz I am DONE!!
damn DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This reminds me of the time I saw a woman pull her pants down and take a piss behind a tree.
some people do need to be institutionalized!!!!
Thats just some
Dirty. Stank. NASTINESS.
…and funny as all hell.
Oh, now I want to throw up.
wow. i will never touch a subway pole ever again. such descriptive words and detail, haha. (shudders)
DAMN! and Janet’s “Nasty” is playin too!
ATTACK IT IF YA NASTY!
Damn this is Nasty
OMGosh! Get out of here! I really hope you made this up lol. That’s beyond nasty.
*****blank stare****I think I just threw up in my mouth a little……
LAUGHING,
HOLLERING,
SCREAMING
TO THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!
YOU HAD MY ASS ROLLIN’
I HATE YOU CLAY!
WARN ME NEXT TIME! I DONE WOKE UP MY LIL’ SISTER YELLING SO LOUD AT 2 IN THE FREAKIN’ MORNING!!!
MY GOSH, I AM FORWARDING THIS POST TO EVERYONE!
f’n A.
that’s it i’m going kanye and wearing gloves from now on
nasty. and i’m about to go to bed too, so this will definately manifest itself in my dreams…
n.a.s.t.y